boredom blog on the 4th

Yeah so I havent really blogged in a while and im sorry. I honestly dont really have anything to write about. I've only had one good idea that I am going to write about but not today. I decided to write down or tell the story of what I remember from my moms passing. Not for you but so if I ever do feel like I forget things...I can read it. Writing really does let me be myself, honestly, and I can write better than I speak lol.

Well its the fourth of july and im kinda worried my house is going to catch on fire. The weeds in the backyard are taller than I am. So I pretty much packed up my clothes and whatever else I find valuable lol. It was pretty easy since most of my stuff is packed anyway. Im here alone because my dad didnt want to hang today I guess. :( bummer

Might go to my aunts later, watch fireworks or something.

But im gonna be perfectly honest, I dont feel like myself. Recently I just havent feel right. Idk whats wrong but its just wrong lol. Hopefully things will get better but I guess its sort of been that way since my mom did pass away. I feel detached from most people. Like when I went back to school I thought I would go back to normal but I really wasnt, it was never so present to me than when we went to Disneyland on grad nite. I just thought to myself, I don't feel right with these people, don't fit in somehow, even though I had known them most of my school life. idk it was really weird. Even at graduation I wasnt sad,like at all, I knew I would miss some people but I didnt really feel anything except being proud.

I've been reading a lot finished 3 books in less than a 2 weeks. Pretty crazy.


listening to: 3 cheers for 5 years-mayday parade