epic fail restart

Well since I never completed my blog everyday in may I'm thinking of doing it for August. It'll probably be pretty boring but hey I need to do something.

I don't really have any updates besides the fact that my grandpa had heart attack and is recently in the hospital. My cousin on my mommies side had a baby boy and yeah. That incidence of my going to the hospital and seeing my cousin, tellin me my other cousin is in labor, and having my grandpa be in surgery for his heart, really reminded me of that Jack Johnson song If I Could.

I havent been up to much really just bought a skateboard, had a party, and living life. Things always change and im never the same as I was yesterday. Oh well, today was a good day.

Let me know if you think blog everyday in august sounds.

Death And All His Friends-Coldplay

needing to settle

for now im pretty content with where im at, friends, family, well I mean lifewise lol. I'm still totally scared of what I have to do and what im going to do, whatever that should be. I'm afraid of losing my friends and family but thats just how it is now. I'm always scared now but still content for the moment.

I'm having fun right now just living. Not having to really worry about anything until I get my license, job, etc. But yah I think im doing the right thing for me, college, well I just had to think about it for a while and decided it just really wasnt for me. I don't want to waste my time anymore on things that wont even matter in the end. I need to enjoy who and what I have right now and just do things that are right for me.

Always trying to live up to your friends, family, and teachers standards just isnt going to cut it in the end. I always thought that yeah I would be the one to go to college, try to get a high paying career but thats really only because my friends and teachers were pushing me to do so. I never once really asked myself, hey nicole is this what you want. When really is isnt. I've always just wanted to be happy with friends and family around not striving to be materialistic and after money or a pretentious standing. Just be happy.

So im going to do whats right for myself and just live my life. A lot of people are not really a part of my life anymore but im okay with that now.

sorry for the rant.
peace.
"when the truth is I miss you"- Coldplay

Sorry its been so long.

I honestly am sorry. I've been pretty busy lately for a change. Hanging with the guys and just living life. I'm not sure if they read this, I know Thomnus does sometimes lol but thats about it.

We went to go see Coldplay and it was totally awesome. Wish we had some close seats up front but it was cool nonetheless. I forgot how much I really enjoyed and love concerts. I havent been to any in so long. Nothing like those immature shows you go to, where you stand around, listening to people scream, and getting the crap beat out of you and what not. I'm glad I grew out of that dumb phase.

I can honestly say im pretty content right now. Except for the fact that I woke up yesterday with a HUGE cold sore,minus the cold and my neck being sore/hurting in a weird place. I have no idea why. Might get my necked checked out if it doesnt get any better. The cold sore is going away but still looks pretty disgusting. :p and I have to go to a party tomorrow and by Have to I mean im being forced but w/e.

Gotta get ready to go clean with my aunt. I think she just wants to go chill at the river but im glad she offered to help me clean the cabin area for our party on the 25th. yee yee. I love the river and being out there. It makes me miss my mom though,seeing as that is where she grew up and where my grandparents live. I usually sit by the river and imagine my mother playing there as a young kid and the stories she used to tell me when I was younger. God I miss her.

Talk to you guys later.
Peace.

Lost-Coldplay

boredom blog on the 4th

Yeah so I havent really blogged in a while and im sorry. I honestly dont really have anything to write about. I've only had one good idea that I am going to write about but not today. I decided to write down or tell the story of what I remember from my moms passing. Not for you but so if I ever do feel like I forget things...I can read it. Writing really does let me be myself, honestly, and I can write better than I speak lol.

Well its the fourth of july and im kinda worried my house is going to catch on fire. The weeds in the backyard are taller than I am. So I pretty much packed up my clothes and whatever else I find valuable lol. It was pretty easy since most of my stuff is packed anyway. Im here alone because my dad didnt want to hang today I guess. :( bummer

Might go to my aunts later, watch fireworks or something.

But im gonna be perfectly honest, I dont feel like myself. Recently I just havent feel right. Idk whats wrong but its just wrong lol. Hopefully things will get better but I guess its sort of been that way since my mom did pass away. I feel detached from most people. Like when I went back to school I thought I would go back to normal but I really wasnt, it was never so present to me than when we went to Disneyland on grad nite. I just thought to myself, I don't feel right with these people, don't fit in somehow, even though I had known them most of my school life. idk it was really weird. Even at graduation I wasnt sad,like at all, I knew I would miss some people but I didnt really feel anything except being proud.

I've been reading a lot finished 3 books in less than a 2 weeks. Pretty crazy.


listening to: 3 cheers for 5 years-mayday parade