rant about ap test,death, and being sick :p #4

Ap test was today...and it sucked...I don't think I did very well on the free response at all but oh well its over with.

I went home early today from school but I felt totally miserable. 5th period I went to my teacher and asked if I could go home of course she asked me what was wrong but after that she asked if anyone was at home for me. She knew the answer so I do not even understand why she asked. I saw her realization of what she just said on her face and then she let me go. I wanted to ask her if she remembered that my mom had even died and if she could give me any tips on how to forget. People tend to forget your loss after such a short period of time either just caught up in their own lives or not caring enough about other peoples. I admit I did not think much about death or how it affected other people til it hit so close to home..literally. I am now able to empathize. I read in this book called The Pact I don't remember the author's name just that it was a woman. In the book one of the character's daughter had died and a friend says that she is sorry for her loss. The character than thinks to herself "They say loss as if I lost a shoe or a set of keys. They do not understand that the loss of a love one is a tragedy, a devastation, a hell." I think that is pretty much spot on but you can't really understand that until it happens to you. You may think oh yeah that is horrible and feel sorry for someone but no you don't understand.

When I had walked home and was just about to open door I remembered again that my mom would not be there. I remember this everyday and think about how I used to just shrug it off and say yah it was fine. I should have been more open, more honest but I wasn't. Feeling sick I laid down on the couch. The pain was intense and I screamed out. I remembered she wasn't there. She would have gave me a cold rag, turned on the fan, put a blanket over me and rub my head. I took all that time for granted and am urging you now not to. Never take your loved ones for granted.

Sorry about the rant about death it was just really on my mind at the moment.

What's Playing: West Coast-Coconut Records (thanks to High Stakes for showing me that song, and showing me a lot of great music)